


Before I Wake

by Chikuty



Category: Ratched (TV), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Abuse of Power, Authority Figures, Dollification, Dubious Consent, Dubious Morality, Dubious Science, Dumbification, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Grooming, Hypnosis, It’s 1947, Knifeplay, Little Space, Lobotomy, M/M, Manipulation, Medical Experimentation, Medical Kink, Medical Torture, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Oral Sex, Psychological Torture, Sensory Deprivation, Some of the doctors are homophobic asshats, Somnophilia, Torture, face fucking, hydrotherapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:54:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27521854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chikuty/pseuds/Chikuty
Summary: Five hoursFive fucking hours Jimin had been sitting, watching the copious amounts of steam rolling of the water, his legs rubbed raw from constantly pressing them up against the cool metal lid of the tub in a desperate bid to soothe his tender skin. After the first hour it got to point where he couldn't feel anything except pain. It had an unpleasant warmth to it at first, eating at the boys stomach but now there's a nausea too, increasing in waves."Please... let.. me out." Jimin mumbles pushing his fingers up against the metal shutter, there was a small open space for his head and neck but definitely not big enough for him to crawl out of. "Nurse Jeon!"Jeon Jungkook was only a practicing nurse, he did as he was told, albeit with a aura of reluctance and uncertainty about his actions. The kid was younger than Jimin, always sporting that same deer in headlights look as if worried he'd make a mistake and upset his superiors."Seokjin said you have to stay there for Six hours Mister' Park." The boy grimaces and Jimin can tell for a fact that the nurse wants this to be over too. "He's just trying to help you... it's all part of the cure."
Relationships: I don’t want to spoil the plot so the rest is a secret, Park Jimin (BTS)/Reader
Kudos: 10





	1. Lobotomy

**Author's Note:**

> Tw: Surgery, Blood, Mention of mental illness, depictions of surgery, bullshit medical treatments that were, in some point of history, commonplace

1947

"The transorbital lobotomy." Seokjin claps his hands together, eyes crinkling in excitement as he addresses the room infront of him. "It's the first psychiatric treatment designed to alleviate suffering by disrupting brain circuits that might be causing symptoms, so commonly associated with mental illness." He continues, picking up an ice pick and holding it up to the various nurses and staff sat around the room before lowering it down over the patient's eye socket. "In 1935 portuguese scientist António Egas Moniz attempted a procedure that I now wish to take commonplace in this institution, a procedure so straight forward it can be performed thrice within a quarter of an hour."

"Jesus." Taehyung whispers turning to the man sitting beside him, he recognises Namjoon from other lectures like these, though it's not a requirement for the man to come and watch, he never fails to show up. "Surely this... can't be safe?"

The elder turns his head slightly before focusing his gaze back on Seokjin. "He believes maladies can be subdued by disrupting connections in the brain's white matter, it's quite clever actually." Namjoon mumbles, turning the page of his notebook. "Look."

"However today I'll be showing you the Prefrontal labotomy. It starts with an incision." Seokjin drawls, placing down the ice pick and raising a scalpel up against the patient's temple twisting it in the daylight as if it could slice up the sun-rays before running it across the man's skin. Watching intently as it slices the flesh, revealing layers of fatty tissue beneath, blood oozing over the blade in thick droplets, warm and scarlet. "Then a trepanning of the skull by cutting through the sphenoid bone with a hand drill." He continues, lining the drill up with the patients temple. "Of course a light sedation has already been given."

"Fucking hell." Taehyung grimaces, squeezing his eyes shut as the doctor drills into the patient's skull, the crack of bone wet and constant at the trepan perforates the patient's brain. "I'm gonna be sick."

"Observe that the subject is still totally insensate."

God, how is he so calm?

The patient begins to writhe beneath Seokjin, moving a hand around erratically against the operating table. "Please be reminded these are involuntary movements that emerge as the neural connections are severed." The doctor grits, pulling the patient's hands back down.

"You really think this works? You really think this will help them?" Taehyung mutters under his breath. 

"Evidence abounds of inhumane treatment of the mentally ill throughout history, but Seokjin.." Namjoon pauses running hand through his dirty blonde hair. "He's actually trying to help people-"

Or at least thinks he is.

Taehyung leans forward dragging his gaze up towards the patient, who's eyes are all smoked up, gray and deserted inside, yet remain open as the doctor performs the lobotomy. 

"The brain is essentially composed of two different types of matter, gray and white. Gray matter includes the neurons along with their blood vessels and extensions, White matter comprises of the axons, that connect the areas of gray matter and carry messages between the two." He motions to the projection at the back of the operating theatre.

"Now that we've made a hole in the prefrontal cortex." Seokjin drones, turning to pick up a long syringe. "We would inject the connecting fibers with alcohol to destroy them. However this method can result in many complications, including damage to other parts of the brain." He frowns placing the syringe back down. "Hence why we use this tool, the leucotome." 

The man picks up a long silver object, an amalgamation of the syringe and a small wire hook before holding it up for everyone to see the sinister looking tool.

"After drilling a hole in the skull, we press on the back of this tool, which extends a wire loop inside. By extending and then retracting the leucotome, we can remove cores of white matter."

The operating theatre is silent as Seokjin proceeds with the surgery, inserting the hook into the patients skull and removing a chunk of white matter, with a sickening crack before holding it up for the nurses and journalists to see. 

"And just like that, a patient can be cured of not only schizophrenia, but depression, chronic pain and other, both mental and physical conditions." He grins, stepping away and allowing one of the nurses to stitch up the now null void in the patient's skull. "I believe this is the answer to helping our patients."

The butterfly sat upon Y/n's finger, she was admiring the iridescent glow of its blue and silver wings fluttering back and forth, the colours blending and swirling together, far too busy to notice Jimin's presence in the corner.

"Y/n?" The boy says softly as not to alarm her. She looks up lips twitching slightly at the corners into a smile at the sight of him.

"Pretty isn't it? They're such delicate little things." She whispers, gently outstretching her finger so that the small creature lands on Jimin's nose. The girl preferred to think of butterflies as little fairies instead of the feeble, dying thing flapping its wings on the tip of Jimin's nose. How does she always see the beauty in everything? She hears the soft song of the wind as though it were the sweetest of lullabies whereas Jimin; though It was warm and thin found it bleak and uncomfortable.

"How have you been Minnie?" 

"As Good as I'll ever be, you?"

"I'm fine, just tierd."

He knows she says she's okay but he sees her body movements are jumpy, the way her appetite has reduced, her sweet smiles now weak and feeble as she raises a hand to Jimin's face tracing lines between the boy's freckles.

"You always say that."

"I'm always tired."

And you have every reason to be. Your hallucinations are getting progressively less amusing. Jimin seems to be the only person here who understands. It's as though he knows every thought and feeling than runs through your head.  
He sits down the other side of the table, running a hand through his bleached hair, the other lies palm up, an apple resting smoothly on top with the promise of sweetness inside, it's the only colourful thing in this room beside the butterfly that somehow made its way in from the botanical gardens and the small painting residing on the wall, it's colours fading but it's beauty has yet to be diminished, everything else is a blinding shade of white, from the clothes the two of you wear to the walls and furniture. It's clinical and empty.

You meet the other boy's gaze having a conversation of your own. You needn't tell him what you're thinking because you're a hundred percent certain the boy already knows. 

"Keep seeing them you know? Sounds amusing from the outside, not so much from the inside." Jimin whispers dropping his head into his arms. "Seokjin thinks burning me alive in a hydrotherapy tank is going to cure me, personally I think he's the insane one."

He's completely right, these medical treatments are so unpleasant and random that it's hard to imagine why it was thought they would help anyone in the first place.

"What? Does he think that poor girl he almost boiled alive for being a lesbian is straight now? She was terrified. He scared her into telling everyone she wasn't sapphic!" Jimin grits banging his fist down on the table. "Homosexuality isn't a disease," He growls, nails digging into his apple. "The guy seriously thinks sitting in scalding hot water for five hours will stop my seizures too."

"Maybe.. it will help?"

"Of course you'd say that." 

You frown dropping your eyes to the table. "I'm sorry, Minnie, I'm sorry you have to go through that."

"Don't be, cmon let's just go get something to eat, I have 'treatment' later."

After all...I have malady to fix don't I?


	2. The Butterflies And The Farmhouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: Non-Consensual Drug Use, Abuse Of Authority, Needles, Seokjin low-key has a vamperism kink, Dubious Science, Dubious Morality.

Five hours

Five fucking hours Jimin had been sitting, watching the copious amounts of steam rolling of the water, his legs rubbed raw from constantly pressing them up against the cool metal lid of the tub in a desperate bid to soothe his tender skin.

After the first hour it got to point where he couldn't feel anything except pain. It had an unpleasant warmth to it at first, eating at the boys stomach but now there's a nausea too, a sickening dizziness that pulls at his eyelids, increasing in waves.He's tired too. The kind of tiredness that needs so much more than a good night of sleep to satisfy.

"Please... let.. me out." Jimin murmurs pushing his fingers up against the metal shutter. There was a small open space for his head and neck but definitely not big enough for him to crawl out of. "Nurse Jeon!" He shouts as the pain takes over a portion of his brain making hot tears fall from his eyes and his mouth hang open in a silent scream.

Jeon Jungkook was only a practicing nurse, he did as he was told, albeit with a aura of reluctance and uncertainty about his actions. The kid was younger than Jimin, always sporting that same deer in headlights look as if worried he'd make a mistake and upset his superiors.

"Seokjin said you have to stay there for Six hours Mister' Park." The boy grimaces and Jimin can tell for a fact that the nurse wants this to be over too. "He's just trying to help you... it's all part of the cure."

Jimin just lies his head forward against the lid, his lips parted slightly as he lets the metal cool his forehead while trying to distract himself for the next hour, which feels like the slowest of his entire life. When the nurse finally opens the locks, helping him out the tub and into the ice bath the pain increases tenfold. Skin reacting to change in temperature negatively, rather the temperature itself, going from 50 to -5 degrees feels like having your skin ripped off your flesh, it's quite frankly the worst pain the boy has ever felt. He hisses flailing his legs around before pulling them away from the water, his body crumpling onto the cold tiles. "Don't touch me, d-don't you dare fucking touch me." He points an accusatory finger toward the nurse his jaw clenched angrily.

"Okay." Jungkook raises his hands in surrender before placing a towel down beside him and stumbling back. "You should r-really get in the ice bath tho-"

The nurse stops mid-sentence when Jimin snaps his gaze up to the boy's eyes, staring furiously.

"Don't, say another word." He spits, words hot and laced with anger. "Not after what you- you just did, do you have any idea how much that hurt!?"

"But it's going to help you! You're not well!"

"Then whats so wrong with me huh? Cmon tell me!"

"Mr Park-"

"Seokjin's a stuck up prick who thinks he knows better than everyone else." Jimin shouts, hands clawing at his back. "He has no idea what I'm going though!"

"But he said.."

"He said what Jungkook? That I'm not a well man? That he's going to fix me? He knows damn well that this isn't going to to do shit."

Medicine was Seokjin's passion, his muse...his drug. It was the only thing that truly satisfied him anymore and Y/n was his newest fascination. Jin knows she's not insane, that her visions are real. He'd known ever since the day she told him a dream she'd once had about the butterflies and the farmhouse. It's not possible for her to have known so many attributes about his childhood home yet she recalled things with such detail that Seokjin found himself rethinking everything. But of course he can't tell her that.

"Can I ask what these nightmares are about?"

The girl looks up cautiously, eyes skimming the doctor's face before staring back up at the ceiling and sinking back down against the mattress with a nervous sigh.

Seokjin sits on a chair beside the bed, his hand resting on the top of his notebook as he scribbles down notes every now and again, never taking his eyes of Y/n's face.

"They're not nightmares, how can I call them that if they don't leave when I wake?"

"What do you mean? That you also experience Hallucinations?"

"They're real."

Over time Y/n had lost the ability to control these occurrences and now they're the stuff of nightmares, so vivid she could tune into each noise as though they were pieces of one giant auditory jigsaw puzzle.

"They may appear real but-"

"Jimin sees them too."

"Well maybe Jimin is lying to you." Seokjin frowns, his voice thick with amiability unlike the usual cold and distant way the other doctors speak.

"He wouldn't lie."

"What makes you so sure of that?"

"What makes you so argumentative?"

"I'm no-"

"Why ask these questions if you're not going to listen?"

"Okay I'm sorry, please." He nods raising a hand. "Go ahead."

"Ask him- ask him what I dreamt last night he'll tell you exactly, everything down to the last detail." She murmurs, eyes pulling shut slowly, lips dragging into a little 'O' shape as the girl yawns.

"Y/n you can sleep now, we'll do this another time." He smiles taking the glass of water from her hands, eyeing down the syringe now held carefully against her skin.

"But m I- I'm not tierd, what did you give me?"

"Just a little Ketamine." He whispers running a long slender finger across her cheek. "It's okay, don't fight it and I promise when you wake, you'll feel much better."

After a few more seconds she relaxes, eyes rolling back and slipping unconscious. Seokjin's gaze however, drags down to the small droplets of blood pooling on the inside of her arm lowering his mouth down onto it and letting the salty taste breach his lips, groaning in relief.

"I'll fix you up in no time."


	3. Open Your Eyes

"Here for the cure?"

"Actually, er I was just...leaving?"

"No one ever leaves."

Yoongi tears his gaze away from the patient, adjusting the lapels of his suit whilst shuffling from side to side awkwardly. "What do you mean?"

"Why would anyone want to? It's wonderful here." The woman giggles, turning back around to study her book.

"Right..."

"Ah, You must Min Yoongi." A cheery voice exclaims, causing the man to turn round, facing his addressee. "I'm Kim Seokjin."

"Oh uh, nice to meet you."

"I'm the founder of this place. You must be here for the demonstration am I correct?" 

"Oh yes, yes of course, sorry!" He smiles, realising this may well be his ticket to getting a promotion. "I knew I'd heard your name somewhere."

Yoongi had been sent as a journalist, he just needs to secure one good article about the advances is psychology and it could be his big break.

"Well shall we get to it?" Seokjin motions for the man to follow him inside. 

The hospital itself was vast, Instead of the stuffy air and smell of bleach Yoongi was accustomed to, he was pleasantly surprised to be met with fresh mountain air and a beautiful castle-esque building. There were vases of flowers and beautiful framed pieces of art on the walls. Instead of dull polystyrene ceilings they were made from marble and the usual bustle of hospital staff was replaced by unhurried nurses, everything looked so serene, so perfect. 

"What we offer here is a process of... purification. Away from the stresses of the modern world." Seokjin smiles, offering the other man a cigarette. "The sanctity of our patients, their humanity and moral is what this sanitarium strives to uphold, I think you'll enjoy your stay here."

"Its beautiful."

"Isn't it?" Seokjin preens looking over his creation. "Anyway we should head to the auditorium to begin the demonstration, it's a perfect introduction for you to see what our work ethic is all about."

The two walk through a series of lengthy corridors before ending up at their destination. There's already various public figures, press and journalists seated in a tiered formation round the outside of the room, where Yoongi takes his seat watching tentatively as Seokjin takes his place in the In the middle of the room beside a cadaver on the large operating table.

"I'd like to thank you all for joining us today, for this little demonstration." The doctor smiles, sliding on a pair of blue latex gloves. "In an attempt to grow our ever expanding knowledge of the human mind I would like to present to you the, transorbital lobotomy, those of you here yesterday for our prefrontal lobotomy demonstration would have noticed that it's quite a lengthy and...gory procedure, the method I'm about to show you is quick and far more simple, with a much lower chance of infection as there is no open incision."

Seokjin clasps his hands together face contorting into something akin to excitement as he pulls the sheet of the cadaver which Yoongi quickly realises isn't as dead as he thought. The girls eyes remain open yet unfocused and droopy, only moving when the doctor raises his gloved fingers to her face.

"Now Y/n here suffers from terrible delusions, nightmares and hallucinations. The aim of our treatment today is to diminish these if not irradiate them completely." He grins running his fingertips under her brow. "If I may recall the observations of Italian psychiatrist Amarro Fiamberti, who complained that the prefrontal lobotomy requires drilling through the skull at one of its thickest points only to access the side of the frontal lobe, when it's underbelly can be more easily accessed through one of the skulls thinnest parts." Seokjin smiles gliding his fingers downwards. "The eye socket."

Yoongi grimaces, hands reaching into his backpack and pulling out a bottle of water. Watching as the doctor peels the girl's eyelid back.

"Now we insert the ice pick above the eye, but below the thin bone of the eye socket."

He lowers the pick sliding it under her eyelid before looking up to address the room. 

"Then we tap the ice pick driving it five centimetres into the frontal lobe." He smiles, picking up the hammer and hitting the end of the pick with a sickening crack that makes Yoongi feel as though he's going to spill his guts. "Now we aim at a forty degree angle, which will sever the connection between the prefrontal cortex and the thalamus." He drawls aiming the hammer once again. In order to perform the surgery he had to be willing to turn Y/n into a shell of herself, to destroy her personality and ability to make rational decisions, a treatment as cruel as he is. How fitting. "Please be aware that this will not damage the eye and that our patient is sedated and won't feel a thing." He says in a singsongy voice. Raising the hammer with a suspenseful pause. "And our lovely patient will awake a changed woman."

"There is a sickness inside of us, rising like the bile that leaves that bitter taste in the back of our throats." Taehyung drawls. Turning his gaze back to face Namjoon who sits the other end of the table. "That's exactly what he told me. Weird right?"

"He's referring to society as whole Taehyung, you're overthinking it."

"You- do you really think what he's doing is right? The patient earlier did she even agree to the surgery?"

"She's not in the right mind to give consent, Seokjin is just trying to help her."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Yes." Namjoon leans forward cupping a hand over the boy's mouth, his gaze darting around nervously as he leans forward to whisper against Taehyung's ear. "Just agree with me, he hears everything, they hear everything, and they won't be happy."


End file.
